I'm feeling a little adrift at the moment.

It turns out I may not be taking care of Finn much past December if Joy ends up winning a grant she told me about last week. While I'm happy that she may be creating a position that will help her fulfill her career dreams, it unsolves our financial problems (that had seemed so recently to have been resolved when I started providing child care for her).

This all means I have some tough choices to make in the next two weeks.

I found a job position that I am qualified for, but it would mean abandoning my goal of being a stay-at-home mom for Alden (a job that continues to grow on me). The job also has high-stress potential (it's a management position), and I would be supervising one of my friends. While I plan to apply (and hope I get an interview), I'm not sure I really want to go back to the manic work-a-day world (especially at this particular business).

This leaves me with my other option. Or rather, options. I made some significant steps toward building a writing career (which I abandoned when I started taking care of Finn), so there's that. Plus, I'm slowly making strides with my crafting. Then there's T-shirts, graphic design and market gardening. I could probably cobble together enough work to make the little we need to bring in to make ends meet.

It appears to come down to more money, job security, structured hours and stress versus less money, erratic work, flexible hours and stress. Both ways would allow me to use my skills, but the management position would be much more professional. Making my living by whatever comes my way would require a different kind of creativity (the type I'd really like to use). While I can do the professional thing, the laid-back flexibility of being my own boss appeals to me much more.

Oy vey! I guess the real decision will come if I actually get a job offer. If I don't, my path will be quite clear, albeit a bit windy and bumpy with pitfalls and dramatic views at every turn.